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Sollicitatie nakijken


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#1

kleine fysicus

    kleine fysicus


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Geplaatst op 11 juni 2010 - 15:27

Hallo mensen,

Zouden jullie deze sollicitatie kunnen nakijken op ook maar enkele fouten of leesbaarheid? Als jullie enig inhoudelijk kritiek hebben mogen jullie die ook geven.
Verborgen inhoud
Adres en telefoon van de desbetreffende heb ik maar even achterwege gelaten wegens privacy en veiligheid van de desbetreffende.
Ik zal jullie vooraf iets meer context geven. De bedoeling is dat ik graag een taak wil in de organisatie van een MUN. (zoek op wiki als u wilt weten wat het is. ;) ) Daarin wil ik een organiserende taak van president van de algemene vergadering innemen. Nu moest ik in een sollicitatie motiveren waarom ik dat juist moet worden!

Honourable Mrs. [knip],

This solicitation concerns the vacancy of the 'Deputy President of the General Assembly'. In a personal mail I read about the function of 'Deputy President of the General Assembly' and from own experience I know this is a really nice function. After a short consideration I became really interested in this vacancy.

In the past I participated at three Model United Nations. Gradually I build up my experience and learned the Rules of Procedure. During my third conference I caused many appeals of the chairs' decision, because I knew the UN-Rules of Procedure very well. Furthermore I became an experienced delegate in debating and roll-playing. Currently, after three Model United Nations, I am ready for a new and exciting experience.

My main motivation is the experience I will acquire. Hopefully, I can use this experience during other Model United Nations conferences and furthermore use it in my accruing adulthood, where the possibility of talking and writing well-English will be one of the requirements for a good study and job. Besides I will acquire amounts of more skills, for example: controlling, arranging and organizing. Those points I indicated are basic things in live and must be really good known. Fortunately, those indicated points are my qualities.

Secondly, it seems me really interesting to experience a Model United Nation conference from a whole different perspective. It seems me even more interesting to look to all those 'inexperienced' delegates and give them the opportunity which I already have got. Namely: the opportunity to participate at a Model United Nations, learning to argument, making new (foreign) friends and maybe more important improving your English.

Hopefully, I will infect all those participating delegates with the, so called, MUN-virus. Thereby I mean getting delegates as enthusiast as I and many others are about Model United Nations, by creating a nice and especially relaxed atmosphere. Moreover I spread awareness that making mistakes does not matter. Because Model United Nations conferences goes about making mistakes, but more important the intention: learning to make that mistake not twice.

I think my skills connect very good with this vacancy. Therefore I would like to further explain my motivation in a personal conversation.

Your sincerely,

Niek [knip]

Veranderd door Mrtn, 11 juni 2010 - 15:58
namen verwijderd ivm privacy

Ik ben een kind van 13, dus als er dingen niet kloppen wilt u ze corrigeren. Bij voorbaat dank. Ik kom hier enkel om mijn kennis te verrijken en te delen met anderen.

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#2

Mrtn

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Geplaatst op 11 juni 2010 - 16:27

Honourable Mrs. [knip],

This solicitation [da's geen Engels, zie hier concerns the vacancy of the [for the position of] 'Deputy President of the General Assembly'. In a personal mail I read about the function of 'Deputy President of the General Assembly' and from own [personal] experience I know this is a really nice function ['nice' is niet formeel genoeg ťn je zegt er niet mee waarom je hem wil]. After a short [period of] consideration I became really interested in this vacancy.

In the past I participated at three Model United Nations [meetings?]. Gradually I build [builT] up my experience and learned the Rules of Procedure. During my third conference I caused [veroorzaakt?] many appeals of the chairs' decision, because I knew the UN-Rules of Procedure very well. Furthermore I became an experienced delegate in debating and roll-playing. Currently, after three Model United Nations, I am ready for a new and exciting experience.

My main motivation is the experience I will acquire [gain]. Hopefully, I can use this experience during other Model United Nations conferences and furthermore use it in my accruing adulthood [die moet je even herschrijven and: one does not acquire adulthood], where the possibility of talking [speaking] and writing well-English [correct English] will be one of the requirements for a good study [a good study is geen Engels] and job. Besides I will acquire amounts of more skills [vertaal dat eens terug naar NL en zie wat er niet klopt: verkrijg hoeveelheden meer vaardigheden], for example: controlling [controlling what?], arranging and organizing. Those points [je kan daar niet zomaar 'punten' naar het Engels vertalen] I indicated are basic things in live [life] and must be really good known [well known en het is geen Engels maar vertaald uit het Nederlands]. Fortunately, those indicated points are my qualities [there's good- and bad qualities].

Secondly, it seems me really interesting [letterlijk uit het Nederlands, I find it really interesting bijvoorbeeld] to experience a Model United Nation conference from a whole different perspective. It seems me even more interesting to look to all those ["al die" is niet formeel] 'inexperienced' [less experienced] delegates and give them the opportunity which [that] I already have got [weglaten of: have been given]. Namely: the opportunity to participate at a Model United Nations, learning to argument, making new (foreign) friends and maybe more important [importantLY] improving your [their? written and spoken] English.

Hopefully, I will infect all those participating delegates with the, so called, MUN-virus. Thereby I mean getting delegates [to be] as enthusiast[IC] as I [,] and many others [,] are about Model United Nations, by creating a nice [nice..] and especially relaxed atmosphere. Moreover I [make an effort to] spread awareness that making mistakes does not matter [it does, you just help to create an atmosphere that allow people to make mistakes and learn from them without it being a negative experience. That's not the same as what you wrote]. Because Model United Nations conferences goes [are] about making mistakes, but more important the intention: learning [not] to make that mistake not twice.

I think my skills connect [match] very good [well] with [requirements etc of] this vacancy. Therefore I would [very much] like to [be given the opportunity to] further explain my motivation [and skills] in a personal conversation.

Your sincerely,

Niek [knip]


Ik zou beginnen met zoiets:
Naam

Concerning: the position of Deputy President of the General Assembly

Aanhef + naam,

Please consider this request to .. etc


Overigens moet je wel even kiezen of je hem in Brits of Amerikaans Engels wil schrijven.
Honourable met ou is Brits Engels. Honorable met alleen een O is Amerikaans Engels. Hetzelfde geldt voor colour / color, flavour / flavor, etc.
'Nice' is niet zo formeel als je in de rest van je brief probeert te zijn. You can tell someone she's wearing a really nice dress. Maar niet dat je de positie waar je naar solliciteert, nice vindt.
Iets vergelijkbaars geldt voor 'seems'. This seems to be interesting (het lijkt erop dat het interessant is). That seems to be the way to go. This seems to have all the potential to be a great night out. It seems to be raining. Maar je kan het niet toepassen zoals je dat in deze brief doet, da's simpelweg geen Engels maar een letterlijke vertaling uit het Nederlands.
Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.
-Calvin-

#3

kleine fysicus

    kleine fysicus


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Geplaatst op 18 juni 2010 - 15:17

Maarten ik wil je bedanken, dankzij jouw (en wat van mij) aanpassingen heb ik de positie nu gekregen!
Ik ben een kind van 13, dus als er dingen niet kloppen wilt u ze corrigeren. Bij voorbaat dank. Ik kom hier enkel om mijn kennis te verrijken en te delen met anderen.

#4

Mrtn

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Geplaatst op 19 juni 2010 - 11:03

Maarten ik wil je bedanken, dankzij jouw (en wat van mij) aanpassingen heb ik de positie nu gekregen!

Gefeliciteerd!
(Martin, niet Maarten ](*,) )
Of course, the theory of relativity only works if you're going west.
-Calvin-





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