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#1

fysicachemiewiskunde

    fysicachemiewiskunde


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Geplaatst op 24 november 2012 - 10:56


Hallo,
Zou er iemand mijn schrijfoefening van engels willen verbeteren.
Ik denk dat er wel veel fouten in staan.
Alvast bedankt voor al de moeite!!!

Father murdered son:

A father (John) in Crete shot his 6-year-old son (Tyler) outside. The incident occurred nearby the capital city of Crete namely Heraklion about 6 a.m. It was friday the 16th November when a woman called her friend. The woman thought there was a robber in the garden of the neighbor. She notified the police and said she had seen a robber. The robber was dressed in black, wearing a ski mask and holding a shiny object in his hands. She said there was also another boy with the robber, she thought a child of six years. When the police was on the spot, they found a man sitting in the garden with a dead body of a six-years-old boy. His son lay dead on the grass. The man was armed with a knife. Tyler was a student at the New Crete High School, not far of the house where he was killed. The family has also another child, a girl of 14 years old. She was sleeping when there was the shooting. I heard a big noise, it was like an explosion, said the girl. I was scared and watched outside, it was a dramatic image. I can’t never forget it. The father was arrested, he was under influence of drugs and alcohol.
The reason about the shooting is unknown. A neighbor said that the father was furious about his son. The relation between the two was sometimes terrible. There were fights between the father and Tyler.
The father accused of murdering 6-year-old son Tyler has been remanded in custody. In the court John appeared on the verge of tears. His appearance at the court yesterday was the first time he has been seen in public. As the police arrived with John, people shouted and threw with vehicles to the bus. There were two people arrested. John was very emotional when the charge was read out, he answered ‘yes’ with a trembling voice and hands. When his name was read out, he answered ‘that’s ride, I’m guilty.” John was wearing a blue sweater during the jurisdiction. He did not eye contact with the public. There was a media presence at the court.
Thursday, hundreds friends were at the dramatic place where the accident had happened. Today at ten o’clock, it is the funeral of Tyler in Heraklion. A lot of classmates will be present at the funeral.
There are a lot of people feel a strong feeling of connection with the family. The mayor of Heraklion expressed his condolence with the family and friends of Tyler.
John is under psychiatric treatment. The judge said that he is mental illness.

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#2

isaacnewton

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Geplaatst op 24 november 2012 - 12:11

Zin 1: Ik zou zeggen 'a father from Crete'. Een alternatief is 'On Crete, a father...'
Zin 2: 'around 6 AM' of 'at approximately 6 AM'
Zin 3: Hoewel je het niet zo uitspreekt, is het gebruikelijker om'Friday 16 November' te schrijven.

Over het algemeen is je gebruik van werkwoordstijden prima. Probeer eens wat variaties voor het woordje 'said' te vinden, bijvoorbeeld stated, announced, pretended, ect. Een diverse woordkeuze houdt een tekst levendig. Let op je punctuatie, in het bijzonder het gebruik van komma's. --> In the court [KOMMA] John appeared on the verge of tears.

Probeer ook je gebruik van dutchisms zoveel mogelijk te beperken, al is dit lastig. 'There were two people arrested.' kun je beter schrijven als 'Two persons were being arrested'

Dan wil ik graag nog even de laatste paar regels onder handen nemen:
There are a lot of people feel a strong feeling of connection with the family. The mayor of Heraklion expressed his condolence with the family and friends of Tyler.
John is under psychiatric treatment. The judge said that he is mental illness.


Deze zou ik als volgt schrijven:
'Many people have shown sincere signs of engagement with the family. The Herakilon mayor also expressed his coldolences to Tyler's friends and family. John is currently under psychiatric treatment. The Judge concluded that he is suffering from a mental illness.'


Probeer je zinnen nog eens hardop te lezen - zo voorkom je een hoop basale fouten.

Veranderd door isaacnewton, 24 november 2012 - 12:11

''God created everything by number, weight and measure'' - Sir Isaac Newton, 1698

#3

fysicachemiewiskunde

    fysicachemiewiskunde


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Geplaatst op 24 november 2012 - 15:44

Zin 1: Ik zou zeggen 'a father from Crete'. Een alternatief is 'On Crete, a father...'
Zin 2: 'around 6 AM' of 'at approximately 6 AM'
Zin 3: Hoewel je het niet zo uitspreekt, is het gebruikelijker om'Friday 16 November' te schrijven.

Over het algemeen is je gebruik van werkwoordstijden prima. Probeer eens wat variaties voor het woordje 'said' te vinden, bijvoorbeeld stated, announced, pretended, ect. Een diverse woordkeuze houdt een tekst levendig. Let op je punctuatie, in het bijzonder het gebruik van komma's. --> In the court [KOMMA] John appeared on the verge of tears.

Probeer ook je gebruik van dutchisms zoveel mogelijk te beperken, al is dit lastig. 'There were two people arrested.' kun je beter schrijven als 'Two persons were being arrested'

Dan wil ik graag nog even de laatste paar regels onder handen nemen:
There are a lot of people feel a strong feeling of connection with the family. The mayor of Heraklion expressed his condolence with the family and friends of Tyler.
John is under psychiatric treatment. The judge said that he is mental illness.


Deze zou ik als volgt schrijven:
'Many people have shown sincere signs of engagement with the family. The Herakilon mayor also expressed his coldolences to Tyler's friends and family. John is currently under psychiatric treatment. The Judge concluded that he is suffering from a mental illness.'


Probeer je zinnen nog eens hardop te lezen - zo voorkom je een hoop basale fouten.


Dank u wel!
Ik heb het nog eens gelezen en gecorrigeerd.
zijn er nog fouten?

A father (John) from Crete shot his 6-year-old son (Tyler) outside. The incident occurred nearby the capital city of Crete namely Heraklion around 6 A.M. It was friday 16 November when a woman called her friend. The woman thought there was a robber in the garden of the neighbor. She notified the police and said she had seen a robber. The robber was dressed in black, wearing a ski mask and holding a shiny object in his hands. She pretended there was also another boy with the robber, she thought a child of six years. When the police was on the spot, they found a man sitting in the garden with a dead body of a six-years-old boy. His son lay dead on the grass. The man was armed with a knife. Tyler was a student at the New Crete High School, not far of the house where he was killed. The family has also another child, a girl of 14 years old. She was sleeping when there was the shooting. I heard a big noise, it was like an explosion, said the girl. I was scared and watched outside, it was a dramatic image. I can’t never forget it. The father was arrested, he was under influence of drugs and alcohol.
The reason about the shooting is unknown. A neighbor said that the father was furious about his son. The relation between the two was sometimes terrible. There were fights between the father and Tyler.
The father accused of murdering 6-year-old son Tyler has been remanded in custody. In the court John appeared on the verge of tears. His appearance at the court yesterday was the first time he has been seen in public. As the police arrived with John, people shouted and threw with vehicles to the bus. Two people were being arrested. John was very emotional when the charge was read out, he answered ‘yes’ with a trembling voice and hands. When his name was read out, he answered ‘that’s ride, I’m guilty.” John was wearing a blue sweater during the jurisdiction. He did not eye contact with the public. There was a media presence at the court.
Thursday, hundreds friends were at the dramatic place where the accident had happened. Today at ten o’clock, it is the funeral of Tyler in Heraklion. A lot of classmates will be present at the funeral.
Many people have shown sincere signs of engagement with the family. The Herakilon mayor also expressed his coldolences to Tyler's friends and family. John is currently under psychiatric treatment. The Judge concluded that he is suffering from a mental illness.

#4

dannypje

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Geplaatst op 25 november 2012 - 18:42

Friday
not far from the house
she was sleeping when the shooting happened
I was scared and looked outside
I will never forget it
under the influence of drugs
the reason for the shooting
threw objects at the bus (a vehicule is een voertuig, lijkt me sterk ;-)
two people were arrested
that's right
he avoided eye contact with the public
hundreds of friends
the funeral of Tyler is today at 10 o'clock in Heraklion
condolences
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then he said:"Light". There was still nothing but you could see it a whole lot better now.






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